This past week I walked to one of my favorite places here, a hill that over looks Buxton. The path leading to the top is through a beautifully green forest and while I was turned looking at something, I ran straight into this dangling leaf. I took a picture of it, because I was probably trying to be artsy or something, but it was an image that has stayed with me.
I have really been trying hard to continue to find beauty in each of the women staying at the House currently. I can feel, though, the effects of very tired emotions and the tendency to expect the fallback of some who I have seen regress so often this year. Which is why I have liked thinking about this leaf. You'll have to bear with me for a bit as I try to write down what I see so clearly connect in my head. Because I have taken the stories of each women into my heart, I feel their pains and the cycle that they feel is unmanageable. I see the effects of having very little self esteem and turning to alcohol, drugs, or men for instant satisfaction. I see them dangling. And I see myself dangling with them. BUT I have learned to see God still holding on to EACH of us. I see God not willing to let these beautifully blessed women go. Unlike this picture, no amount of wind, rain, abusive men, or family breakdowns can break God's love.While working an evening duty recently, I found myself in the midst of yet another argument. Two residents began shouting and threatening each other while I stood in the middle. As one began to chase the other up the stairs, another new volunteer that had surfaced because of the noise shouted up towards me,
"Who is in charge?"
Who's in charge?! Well, me. Me? Really, it was me? I was the one that was supposed to break up these two emotionally charge young women who were frantically running about screaming. After saying a quick prayer, I managed to sort the two out without physical injury. Afterwards, I took a deep breathe and realized how much I have learned this past year. I have not only learned better methods for handling similar situations, but also the necessity of prayer and turning instantly to God. At the beginning of the year, I found it really difficult to be at peace with the fact that I was getting closer to God while in the midst of many women who lived in denial of God. I can live to the best of my ability in trying to live the love of God to the residents, but at the end of the day it is a relationship between them and God. It is for that relationship to grow that I have found myself praying for constantly and it is the peace of praying that can give me peace.
I am so blessed I have been able to hang on with these women. And hang out we have quite literally done. Whether over meals, cups of tea, or outside on the lawn. Their stories have helped me to see a simple picture of God's love and to keep trying to show this love in my daily life. I have put a short slide show of pictures I feel summarize my year here. The link is just on the right hand side of my blog.
A thank you hug to each of you who have read a blog or sent an email to me this past year. I look forward to giving you a real hug soon and hearing about your adventures while I have been away.
Peace,
Aubrey
